The Gospel of Paul (Rudd and My Husband): Do Less
This week, I’m letting you in on a family secret. I’m not quite sure how my husband will feel about me sharing it so publicly, but I can’t help but share something that has profoundly impacted my life.
For nearly 10 years, my husband has been telling me the same thing: Do less.
It comes from that scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Jason Segel is learning to surf. Paul Rudd keeps commenting on his form, saying, “Do less, do less, do less,” until Segel eventually stands up on the land-ridden board, prompting Rudd to respond, “Yeah, that was too much. Do less.” (If you haven’t seen it, here’s the clip: Do Less.)
For those who know my husband, it’s no surprise that anything remotely related to surfing osmosis-es his brain so hard, transforming into a profound life philosophy. And that’s exactly what happened here. He embraced it with humor, often nudging me in elevated moments to suggest—without saying much—that I was overcomplicating things.
In the beginning, in these moments of anger, overwhelm, and frustration, it was easy to interpret his motto as: Be quiet, woman. Do less. Say less. Sit down and behave. I thought maybe he was trying to tell me to accept the status quo and not rock the boat. On better days, I interpreted it as: Take a chill pill.
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But honestly, I often felt misunderstood. I’d find myself in sticky situations—being ‘too’ assertive with my opinions, lacking filters in conversations, overthinking myself into paralysis, overworking myself and feeling frustrated that others weren’t.
Over the years, though, I’ve sat with it and realized his advice wasn’t about silencing me or asking me to care less. It doesn’t mean being less ambitious or giving up. Instead, it’s become a reminder to be strategic.
Paul Rudd’s insistent reminder to Do Less struck a chord with him—not because it was a revelation, but because it perfectly articulated something that had always come naturally to him. Everything he accomplishes seems effortless. He’s a man of few actions and even fewer words (likely a compliment to my chatty and restless nature), yet somehow, he’s incredibly effective. He moves through life with a quiet confidence, never over-explaining (unless it’s surfing), never over-extending—just acting with precision when it matters most. People gravitate toward him, drawn not by noise or show, but by the undeniable ease and certainty with which he operates.
Doing Less is:
The intentional practice of simplifying actions, reducing unnecessary effort, and focusing only on what truly matters.
It is not about passivity or disengagement, but rather about strategic restraint, prioritization, and mindfulness. Doing Less means resisting the urge to overwork, overthink, or overcommit, instead allowing space for clarity, efficiency, and meaningful impact.
Given the current global climate, this may seem counterintuitive at the moment, but it’s a tool for turning inward—granting ourselves grace in all areas of life and shedding what doesn’t serve us to make space for things that really matter.
Here’s what I’ve learned by Doing Less:
The Power of Observing.
By watching and listening, I’ve discovered a quieter kind of wisdom—one that is deeper, a more intuitive understanding that I often miss in my frantic instincts to control situations.
Too often, we rush to respond, assuming we understand someone’s intentions based on surface-level words or actions. But observation allows us to see the subtleties of context—a discrepancy in our definitions of words or not understanding someone else's full experience or perspective. When we resist the urge to immediately react, we create space for more thoughtful, effective action.
Examples of this play out daily in parenting. When my kids are upset—crying, yelling, throwing side-eye—it’s easy to react, especially when we’re rushing out the door or I’m running on fumes. But when I pause to observe, I see the real issue. They aren’t melting down over the last blue cup or the fact that their sandwich was cut into triangles instead of squares—it’s about feeling unheard, overtired, or overwhelmed. Instead of meeting frustration with frustration, I can offer comfort, reassurance, or just space to cool down. You know what they say, kids are really just tiny, emotionally unfiltered CEO’s struggling to communicate unmet needs.
One of the best parenting tips I’ve received is to stop playing referee and start being the commentator—observing, stating what I see out loud, and allowing my kids to gain perspective on their own. By narrating the situation from a neutral, zoomed-out view, we offer context without control, giving them the space to recognize patterns, understand each other’s feelings, and work toward their own solutions.
I often find that the lessons of parenting echo in every aspect of life—whether it’s navigating escalated situations at work, adapting when things don’t go as planned, or strengthening relationships with friends and loved ones.
Observation isn’t inaction—it’s strategy. When we trust that not everything requires our immediate input, we begin to act with more clarity and purpose. Sometimes, the most effective course isn’t intervention, but patience. Not forcing, but allowing. Not controlling, but trusting. Doing Less doesn’t mean being passive or indifferent—it means having the wisdom to know when to step back and when to step in.
Saying less and meaning more.
I am a nervous talker, often filling silence to avoid discomfort. I also tend to over-explain, hoping that more words will earn validation or prove my knowledge. But I’ve come to realize that more words don’t always create more understanding—sometimes, they dilute it. When I step back and resist the urge to manage every conversation, I begin to notice what’s happening beneath the words. I see when someone needs space instead of reassurance, when a pause allows for a more thoughtful response, when my silence invites others to fully express an idea without interruption. In Doing Less, I actually connect more.
Years ago, a friend shared a simple goal with me: he was trying to "say less and mean more." He didn’t mean speaking less just for the sake of brevity, but rather ensuring that when he did speak, his words carried weight–resisting the urge to fill space with unnecessary explanations, over-justifications, or noise, and instead, letting words be deliberate, measured and impactful.
By Doing Less, silence becomes an opportunity.
Quieting my mind.
Overthinking has always been my Achilles’ heel (along with over talking, over sharing, and over managing)—worrying about what I should be doing or if I’m doing it right, replaying conversations in my head, or obsessing over decisions that I have already made.
Most of the time, overthinking doesn’t change the outcome. There are two quotes I love on this subject:
“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” Dalai Lama XIV
And, for a bit of comic relief:
“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” Will Rogers (Maybe? I’m skeptical of the source.)
Do Less by letting go of the need to analyze every scenario or anticipate every outcome. Things almost always turn out fine without all the mental gymnastics.
Being satisfied.
For me, this means taking inventory of what I’m grateful for and genuinely appreciate it. In a world that screams, You need more, it’s easy to fall into the trap of hustle culture. We’re told to climb the ladder—get a promotion, buy the fancier car, upgrade to a bigger house. Lose weight, and then get fillers. Push your kids in school and now dominate extracurriculars. Hit your business goals, and then make more.
Why? Are we bored? Are we dissatisfied? Self-conscious? The constant pursuit of “more” leaves us chasing a moving target.
Sometimes, we need to stop and ask ourselves: Do I really need this? Are my kids happy? Does my car work? Are my employees satisfied? What do I already have that’s worth celebrating that I might be missing?
There’s that saying: The more you make, the more you spend.
This saying is rooted in what’s known as Parkinson’s Law, which states that work expands to fill the time available for its completion. In other words, if you have two weeks to complete a project, you’ll likely take the full two weeks—even if the actual work could have been done in a few days. The same principle applies to money: expenses expand to match income—this is often called Parkinson’s Law of Money or Lifestyle Inflation.
Instead of creating more financial freedom, we create more obligations—more bills, more upkeep, and ironically, more stress. The cycle never ends because there’s always a new level to chase.
Parkinson’s Law teaches us that if we’re not intentional, we’ll always fill whatever space (or income) we have—leaving us overextended and overwhelmed. We live in a world inundated with things—things to buy, things to organize, things to store, and things to throw away. Our finances, obligations, and expectations expand endlessly.
Doing Less means that when we stop focusing on accumulating more, we uncover the joy in what we already have and create space for what matters. That’s where true freedom lies.
Releasing expectations.
We all know we can’t change others, but we can change ourselves and how we perceive situations. Often, our frustration comes from expecting too much—of others, of situations, and especially of ourselves. We set impossibly high standards, then beat ourselves up when we fall short.
A therapist once told me that I don’t have to return every favor or send thank-you notes for every kind gesture right away–or even at all. She reminded me that my time will come to pay it forward in the future. It might not be to the same people, but I can still pay it forward to others. Those who truly care about me will understand and appreciate me without expecting anything in return.
We don’t have to be everything for everyone all at once. Do Less by letting go of the pressure to meet every expectation, and find space to breathe.
In an ironic conclusion…
Doing Less is not giving up or settling—it’s creating space for what truly matters. ‘The Pauls’ advice has been a gift, and while I’m still learning to fully embrace it, I can honestly say that Doing Less has allowed me to live more.
As someone driven by passion and urgency to create a better world, I initially questioned whether Doing Less was an insensitive topic—especially in a time when so much demands action. But after exploring what it truly means, I see that by managing ourselves as individuals, by letting go of the excess noise, overthinking, and unnecessary strain, we actually create more capacity for what does need to be done.
So, in true irony—and in honor of not always following my husband’s advice—thank you for making it through this long, wordy reflection on Doing Less. My application of this concept is far from perfect, and I often need my husband’s reminders. By sharing this with you maybe we can also remind each other. Do more by doing less.
Keep doing the good work,
Hannah Mae
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